Naruto's Problem
by timberwolf v1
Summary: Naruto's got a big problem on his hands! Is it the Akatsuki? Is it Sasuke? Is Ramen extinct? Nope. Naruto wakes up to find that every girl in Konoha is after him. Well every girl except his pink haired teammate that is! Why? Read to find out! R&R. Rating is there for safety purposes as usual.
1. Not an Ordinary Day

**A/N: Characters can be slightly OOC sometimes, I'll try to keep that to a minimum. Reviews are welcome, hope you enjoy!**

**~Chapter 1: Not an Ordinary Day~**

"Finally! I thought that shift would never end!" sighed an exasperated pink haired kunoichi. Sakura Haruno had just finished her mid-morning rounds at the Konohagakure Hospital, noting that her patients (mainly ANBU operatives) were regaining their strength slowly but surely.

_That last mission was brutal...luckily we didn't lose anyone. That's the last thing the Leaf Village needs these days..._thought Sakura as she walked out into the abundant sunshine that was blanketing all of Konoha. Stretching her arms out, she began walking down the street toward her apartment. Her parents had insisted that she move closer to her workplace, offering to pay most of the rent. This would normally have aroused suspicion in the young pinkette, but her desire to "leave the nest and spread her wings" outweighed any doubts about the sincerity of her mother and father. As such Sakura was blissfully unaware that shortly after she moved out, her bedroom was converted into a rather posh home theater-one that was used quite frequently.

Just as she reached the front entrance to the apartment complex, Sakura heard a loud commotion coming from the direction that she had just departed from. The confused teenager tilted her head toward the source of the racket, wondering what could have disturbed this peaceful looking day. Her answer was given when an all too familiar blonde-haired, blue-eyed, hyperactive baka popped out from a street corner.

Instinctively pinching the bridge of her nose, Sakura wondered what Naruto had done this time. She was surprised when she looked up, however, to find that the usual cheeky grin that Naruto sported was nowhere to be found. Instead, he was barreling straight toward her with an expression of pure horror plastered on his whiskered face.

"Sakura HELP!" cried out the young jinchuriki as he tumbled straight into the puzzled kunoichi, sending them both to the floor in a daze. After regaining her bearings, Sakura immediately grabbed Naruto by the collar of his signature orange jumpsuit, holding him threateningly in the air.

"SHANNARO! Naruto, do you WANT me to punch you in the face everyday?" yelled the furious pink-haired ninja as Naruto waved his hands around, trying to avoid yet another right hook from his short-tempered teammate.

"N-no Sakura don't h-hit me! I need your help please!" cried Naruto, clasping his hands together in a pitiful attempt to procure mercy. Sakura slowly lowered Naruto down to the ground, keeping her eyes narrowed as she allowed him to explain himself.

"Ok well...I woke up this morning to my favorite song "Just Eat It" and obviously I started thinking of ramen, heck I was dreaming of ramen! There were all kinds of flavors Sakura, you should've seen it! They had beef ramen, shrimp ramen, chicken ra-OW!"

Sakura glared daggers at Naruto, warning him that his ramen-laced ramble was over and to get to the point. Naruto wisely obliged.

"Um, anyway. I woke up and rummaged through my fridge for some stuff to eat but found that I was completely cleaned out. I figured I would go to Ichiraku to grab some breakfast but then I realized I'm completely broke hehe.", started Naruto who scratched his head sheepishly. "Anyways, I was actually on my way to the hospital to ask you if I could borrow some money." Naruto paused momentarily expecting Sakura to slug him all the way out to the forests surrounding Konoha. The visibly irritated medic-nin continued to glower at him, but kept her arms crossed, not budging an inch.

Finding himself not airborne, Naruto quickly continued, "I started walking down the street, minding my own business like I usually do, when all of a sudden this random girl that I've never seen before comes up to me. She was about Konohamaru's age I guess and she was looking at me really funny. I thought that she wanted my autograph or something because I am the village hero after all," said Naruto flashing a quick grin. "But, she just kept staring at me, like she was in a trance or something. I tried talking to her but she wouldn't say anything so I just walked away...or at least I tried to." Naruto's grin suddenly vanished as he finished his sentence.

Curious, Sakura relaxed her rigid stance and motioned with her hand for him to go on.

"Well I felt something tugging on my pants and I thought she was the one doing it since I struggled to move. Boy was I wrong! I turn around and there are at least ten other girls there holding onto my pants. I pried them off and told them I'd give them all autographs after breakfast but then they started chasing me! What's worse is that other girls started tailing me too!" Naruto sniffled, shedding a tear as he recounted his story.

Sakura was sure that Naruto was telling a giant lie, but his demeanor suggested otherwise. _Why would girls want to chase this stupid baka? It must be one of his lame pranks. Dumb Naruto..._thought Sakura as she prepared to deliver her patented right hook.

All of a sudden, the commotion that she heard earlier was back tenfold. The two teammates looked in the direction that Naruto had just sprinted from, noticing a large crowd of female civilians and ninja alike.

"OH MY GOD THERE HE IS. GET HIM!" shrieked a voice in the crowd.

_What the hell! This baka was telling the truth? I guess Ino-Pig learned how to fly..._

Sakura looked over her shoulder and noticed that Naruto had fainted. Cursing, she grabbed his arm and performed a nifty teleportation jutsu that Tsunade had taught her. The pair disappeared in a flash of cherry blossoms just as the mob reached them.

"AWW. That naughty Sakura wants him all to herself!"

"Where did they go?"

"I'll bet they went to the Hokage's office!"

After a brief silence, the crowd roared in agreement, making their way to Tsunade's residence. Meanwhile, Sakura peered out the curtains of her window, heaving a huge sigh of relief once the crowd had disappeared from sight.

"Ok Naruto, I guess you were telling the truth after all. Luckily they all thought that I went to Tsunade's office and not here...Naruto?"

Sakura turned around and noticed that Naruto was still out cold. Sighing, she went over to where the fallen shinobi was and knelt down, intending to slap him back to consciousness.

Just as fate would have it, Naruto woke up right then and there. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw Sakura bent over him with what appeared to be a concerned expression on his face.

"Sakura...am I in heaven?", whispered a dazed Naruto. THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! Naruto gingerly rubbed his reddening cheeks as Sakura stood up. "Yeah you're in heaven alright you dweeb. A heaven filled with constant pain courtesy of yours truly," snorted the kunoichi as she dusted herself off. Taking on a more serious expression she turned to Naruto and said flatly, "Now let's talk about this problem and see what we can figure out."

Still rubbing his face, Naruto agreed, hoping that he could survive both the rabid female mob, and the ferocious pink-haired medic-nin.


	2. Not You Too!

******A/N: Sorry for the long delay folks, been kinda busy. Enjoy!**  


**~Chapter 2: Not You Too?~**

"Thanks!" exclaimed a drooling Naruto as Sakura handed him a warm pork bun. Sakura took a seat next to Naruto on her couch, silently sipping a cup of tea as she watched her blonde-headed teammate ravenously tear into the steamed bun.

Taking a final sip, Sakura put down her cup on the small coffee table and asked, "So is there anything you're leaving out of this story? I mean it doesn't make much sense for a bunch of girls to be randomly chasing you around the village." Sakura stopped to let out a small chuckle before continuing, "I take that back. It would make sense! It would make sense if they were chasing you down for stealing all their ramen or doing something perverted like peeping at the hot springs...you didn't do that did you Naruto?"

Naruto stopped his voracious munching for a moment to quickly shake his head no. "Nof way Sofura! I woofn't dof dat!"

Sakura giggled at Naruto's food-laden attempt to talk, knowing that her teammate wasn't as perverted as his teacher Jiraiya was. Or at least she hoped not. "Relax Naruto, I was only kidding. Don't talk with your mouth full by the way."

Naruto nodded, giving his friend a quick thumbs up before finishing his bun. "Whew, thanks Sakura! I thought I was going to die from hunger there for a second!"

"Well, let's get back to business then. So if you didn't do or say anything out of the ordinary, why do you think those girls were chasing you?"

Naruto scratched his head, wondering the same thing. "Well I don't know Sakura. Like I told you before, I thought they wanted my autograph or something, but they didn't seem to be interested in that."

Sakura placed her hand on her neck, trying to digest the entirety of the situation. _Hmm...could it be a genjutsu? I didn't notice anything strange about their chakras. But then again, I'm not even sure if I would be able to spot a high level genjutsu if one was in fact used. _Sakura slowly turned her head, not expecting to find Naruto's face mere inches from her's. After an awkward pause, Naruto once again found himself on the floor-a fresh hand print on the right side of his face.

"Baka! Why were you so close to me!" shouted the irritated medic-nin, who was now towering over Naruto's crouched form.

"Sorry Sakura! I thought you were hypnotized or something because you hadn't moved for a while. Oh man I think I'm starting to lose feeling in my face," said Naruto as he gingerly made his way back to the couch.

Rolling her eyes, Sakura joined him; upset that her tea had gotten cold. "It's funny you should mention hypnosis, Naruto. I was actually thinking that those girls were under a genjutsu of some kind."

Naruto frowned. "You're telling me that someone used a genjutsu to give me rabid fangirls? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense and I'm someone who knows a lot about nonsense!" Sakura nodded, agreeing for once with her knuckle-headed friend.

"Well what other explanation can there be? I can't think of any that would make logical sense off the top of my head. Can you?"

"No...I guess not." Naruto's frown deepened, wondering who could be responsible for such an act. He did like having fans, and fangirls were obviously a plus, but this wasn't what he had in mind. Turning back to his pink-haired teammate, he asked "What do we do now then?"

Sakura stared blankly ahead for a few moments before replying, "We'll need to ask someone obviously. I don't think going to Tsunade-sama's would be a great idea at the moment since that mob is probably there. Kakashi-sensei and many of the other jonin are still out a mission. I thought about asking Kurenai-sensei but she's been really busy with the baby lately from what I've heard."

Naruto sighed, letting his head fall onto the table softly. "So basically we have to ask someone...but there's no one to ask?"

Giving her blonde-haired friend a sympathetic look, she answered, "Pretty much." Sakura continued, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I think I have an idea though. But I'll need to know a few extra details."

The ramen lover looked at Sakura quizzically, wondering what her plan was.

"Ok Sakura-chan, ask away!"

"You said that a girl came up to you randomly and that before you knew what was going on, even more girls were there right?" Naruto nodded his head in confirmation, allowing Sakura to continue. "If I recall correctly, you also mentioned that other females started chasing you as well when you were running away?" Naruto bobbled his head in response. "Ok. My question to you is simple. Did any of those girls say anything at all that you think is important? Now when I say important, I don't mean anything related to ramen. G_ot it_?"

Naruto gulped, noticing the subtle venom in the kunoichi's voice as she mentioned ramen. "Well now that I think about it, they were saying some pretty weird stuff. Like one girl was yelling something about having a baby or something, but she didn't look pregnant to me. Another girl said she wanted to eat me up...was she a cannibal Sakura?"

His teammate simply laughed in response. "I doubt it. Anything else?"

"Um, well one of them tried to lick me I think. That was really strange. Pretty much everyone in that crowd was telling me they loved me and stuff. Usual fangirl talk I guess." Naruto shrugged. He had never had any fangirls before.

Sakura listened intently, noting the unusual behavior that Naruto was describing. "Ok thanks. I'll be sure to relay all of that to Tsunade-sama when I see her."

Naruto raised an eyebrow upon hearing this. "Huh? I thought you said we couldn't go there because of the crazy mob?"

"I said _we _couldn't go. I never said I couldn't go by myself." Looking over at her wall clock, Sakura continued. "I think by now Tsunade-sama has chased off that crowd. But I don't think it would be a good idea to risk having you out and about in the open if you draw female attention so easily."

The aspiring Hokage pouted, knowing what she had said was true. _This is not good...will I be trapped indoors for the rest of my life? Instant ramen is good but nothing beats Ichiraku's, dattebayo!_

"Fine I understand. Am I supposed to stay here or what?" grumbled Naruto. He looked up, surprised to find the pinkette's face light up for a split second before softening. A strange feeling was starting to churn in his stomach and Naruto didn't think it was the expired milk he drank this morning.

"Mmhmm that would be best I think. It'll keep you away from any..._troublesome_ girls as Shikamaru would say." The medic-nin giggled, causing Naruto to gulp nervously. _That was weird. Why did Sakura just quote Shikamaru? Why did she giggle like that? I wonder if she has any ramen in her fridge..._

The young blonde quickly shook his head, trying to rid himself of such thoughts. _It seems like I get hurt whenever I think of ra...the R word. How can something that tastes so good hurt so bad? Man the mysteries of life...huh? What's that brushing against my shoulder?_

Naruto turned his head and was shocked to find that Sakura was literally sitting right next to him-shoulder to shoulder.

Sakura's voice was unusually gentle as the words cascaded from her mouth, "Those girls were right, Naruto. I don't want to share you. I want you _all to myself_." Naruto's eyes nearly bulged out at the way the kuniochi dragged out the last words of her sentence.

"W-what do you mean Sakura-chan?" squeaked a trembling Naruto.

"Do you really want to know Naruto..._kun_?" whispered Sakura, whose hand was now dangerously placed on Naruto's thigh. _What the hell! _The young jinchuriki was sweating bullets now. Naruto's eyes grew even wider (if that was possible) when his pink-haired teammate began to lean in closer to him. An expression of absolute horror planted itself on Naruto's flushed face as he realized what was going on.

"Oh no! NOT YOU TOO SAKURA! NOOOOOOOOO!"


	3. I Don't Want to be on Maury

**~Chapter 3: I Don't Want to be on Maury~**

**A/N: Sorry for the delay again folks, been busy as usual. This chapter is almost double the length of my previous two as well, so I hope you enjoy!**

Naruto shut his eyes, seeing nothing but darkness. _Maybe I'm just dreaming. I didn't actually wake up this morning with no ramen, a bunch of crazy fangirls, and Opposite Day Sakura. I'm still asleep of course! Now when I open my eyes, I'll be in my comfy bed; hugging my precious Kakashi-sensei plush pillow. Yes! Ok let's do this on three! 1...2...3! _When the blonde-haired boy opened his eyes, he was surprised to find Sakura on the far end of the couch, doubled over in laughter.

"Huh?" thought aloud a confused Naruto.

"Wow that was really funny! I have to admit Naruto, I can see why you like pranking so much!" said Sakura who was continuing to have trouble stifling her giggles.

Naruto blinked, wondering what exactly had just happened. Seeing her teammate's oblivious empty stare, the kunoichi composed herself as best as she could before saying, "Sorry about that Naruto, just thought I'd have a little fun. I'm not a rabid fangirl, don't worry."

Naruto blinked again, taking in her words slowly. "You were...oh." His perplexed expression turned to a frown as he realized what Sakura had just done. "That was mean Sakura."

"Oh please, you've pulled worse pranks in your sleep on me and our friends," started the pinkette, holding back a chuckle. "And besides, as a medic-nin it's my duty to make sure you get a taste of your own medicine."

Although his frown remained, Naruto's face softened-highlighting his characteristic birthmark whiskers. "Yeah I guess you're right."

Sakura smiled. _Did Naruto just admit I was right and not make up some stupid excuse? Is today the end of the world or something?_

"Glad you see it my way Naruto! I should warn you though," began the pink-haired teen. "If what you're saying is true, then what I just did will be nothing compared to what those girls are planning on doing," winked Sakura.

Naruto's face grew pale at her words (almost as pale as Sai's!). _This is worse than I thought! Those girls would never understand my love for ramen like Sakura-chan does!_

* * *

_Naruto looked down sullenly at his frog purse, sighing at the obvious lack of weight his little green friend was carrying._

_"Guess we're not having Ichiraku's today..."_

_The sad, hungry boy sulked over to the side of the Ichiraku Ramen building, taking a seat next to a foul smelling trash can._

_"Maybe I won't be hungry anymore if I smell this for a while," thought aloud the blonde as his stomach continued its rumbling protest. He buried his face in his hands, wondering what he would do for food as Team 7 hadn't had a decent paying mission in a while._

_Meanwhile, Konoha's very own cherry blossom was merrily making her way down the street, humming a catchy tune that she had heard earlier that morning on the Gai-sensei Springtime Morning Zoo of Youth radio show. Passing Ichiraku's Ramen, she noticed a rather pathetic looking figure sitting in a dirty, cramped alley with his face hidden underneath his arms. Not one to ignore the homeless of the Leaf, Sakura sauntered over to the poor fellow, getting out some spare change from her pocket._

_"Excuse me sir, would you mind if I paid for a...Naruto?"_

_Said boy looked up, hearing the familiar voice of his longtime crush._

_"Sa-Sakura chan?"_

_The long-haired pinkette frowned. "Naruto why are you sitting in this nasty alley?" The orange ninja hung his head back down, murmuring, "I don't have any money to buy food. I was going to ask Kakashi-sensei but I can't find him anywhere and that jerk Sasuke won't lend me any."_

_Naruto kept his gaze downward, expecting his rambunctious teammate to laugh and walk away. Instead, he was surprised to find a hand being offered by a smiling Sakura._

_The boy blinked. "Huh?"_

_"Come on, I'll buy you lunch. Unlike you, I actually know how to budget our mission paychecks," responded the still smiling genin. Naruto gazed with wonder at his teammate's generosity._

_"Th-thank you Sakura-chan!" sniffled Naurto as he graciously accepted his teammate's offer._

* * *

"Hello? Earth to Naruto, are you there?"

Naruto blinked. "Huh? Oh sorry, I was just thinking of happier times hehe."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Did you hear what I said?"

Scratching his head sheepishly, the boy shook his head, eliciting a tired groan from his fiery tempered teammate.

"I said you'll have to be really careful until we can figure out what's going on-especially at night. If a crazed girl were to somehow sneak in here and _ahem_..." Sakura paused to clear her throat before continuing. "...Take liberties with you, you probably wouldn't even know! You'd wake up the next morning being congratulated by me for becoming a daddy...if you know what I mean.

"What...the...hell? Oh man Sakura...I think, I think I'm going to throw up," said a woozy-looking Naruto.

"SHANNARO! Not on my new carpet you're not!" yelled Sakura. "Look, I'll go and ask Tsunade-sama now. You just sit tight here for a while and try to avoid trouble, got it?"

Naruto who still had a dazed look plastered on his face, quietly nodded his head. "When will you be back Sakura-chan?"

"I'm not sure," said Sakura as she rummaged around her bag; looking for her gloves. "But, hopefully as soon as possible. Ah here they are!"

After making sure she hadn't forgotten anything, Sakura turned to her scared looking friend. "I guess I'll head off now. You can help yourself to anything in the fridge and you know how a TV works I assume. Don't go near the window, don't pick up the phone, don't shout 'Dattebayo!' randomly...hmm am I forgetting anything?" Taking her teammate's silence as a 'no', she nodded, "Okay then I'll see you in a bit Naruto! And remember...if you go through my underwear drawer...I'll know. Bye!"

Naruto barely had time to process Sakura's not so subtle threat before she vanished in a puff of smoke. He sighed. "Alone again."

* * *

Tsunade stared at the mountainous stack of paperwork that Shizune had just dumped on her desk, contemplating whether or not she could pass off legal documents with a pig print instead of her signature. She looked over at the sleeping Tonton who was lightly drooling in her sleep. _Aww look at her, she's so cute when she's napping. Now where did I put that ink bottle?_

Just as she located the ink filled container, a poof of smoke materialized before her. In its wake was her pink-haired student.

"Sakura."

"Hello Tsunada-sama," bowed Sakura.

Tapping her fingers on her desk, Tsunade looked expectantly at her pupil. "May I help you with something?"

"Yes actually. It's about Naruto." Shifting slightly she continued, "You see, he has this...problem." Tsunade raised an eyebrow, motioning with a wave of her hand for Sakura to continue.

"It's actually kind of hard to explain really, but-", the medic-nin was quickly cut off by Tsunade slamming her fists down on the surprisingly sturdy desk. The silent room was soon filled with Tonton's squeals-the pig none too happy about being woken from her nap.

Tsunade's voice rose above the noise, however. "Damnit! Damnit all to hell!"

Sakura cowered slightly, braving a question. "Is something wrong Tsunada-sama?"

"Oh it's nothing Sakura, I just noticed today's lottery numbers is all. I was off by only 4 numbers! So you were saying?"

An exaggeratingly large drop of sweat formed on Sakura's hair. "Um okay. So yeah Naruto has this weird problem. He's apparently being chased by all the females in the village...well except me."

The Hokage stared curiously at her student. "Excuse me?"

"I know it sounds strange. I didn't believe him at first when he told me, but then I saw the large mob of girls chasing him, heard some of the things they said, and well here we are."

Tsunade narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Sakura I don't have time for jokes. As you can see, I have a lot of important paperwork that must be attended to."

"I wish it were a joke Tsunade-sama, but I'm telling you the truth!", insisted Sakura. "For some weird reason Naruto is attracting girls except me!"

The sannin looked up at the ceiling, staring blankly at a light fixture, trying to understand this bizarre situation. "Do you have any proof?"

Sakura walked over to the window, glancing down at the street below. Empty. Keeping her gaze, she asked, "Did you notice any kind of disturbance a little while ago?"

"There was a bit of commotion earlier, but I assumed it was just those idiots from the Gambler's Club looking to collect their debt." She snorted. "Maybe I'll pay them back one day when hell freezes over...or when Orochimaru gets a tan, whichever comes first."

"What? You didn't come over here and look to see what it was?"

"Nope. Took out some emergency sake and had a little nap. When I woke up there was no more noise," said Tsunade, absentmindedly twirling a lock of her blonde hair.

Sakura whipped around, twitching. "My proof is that the commotion you heard, before getting knocked out by your alcoholic ways, was a large mob of female civilians and shinobi alike. Not some stupid gang of gamblers."

The pink-haired kunoichi was so irritated that Tsunade swore she saw smoke coming out from her ears. "Calm down Sakura, you're steaming. You're like a steamed vegetable, only smarter (props if you get this reference)! Anyway, I'm not going to lie. Your story sounds extremely farfetched, but I'm willing to listen. Why don't you take a seat and go from beginning to end-no details left out."

Sakura let her shoulders droop a little as she breathed a sigh of relief before taking a seat on the surprisingly comfy wooden chair. "Thank you Tsunade-sama!"

* * *

Naruto groaned. Sakura had only been gone for an hour or so and yet he was already bored out of his mind.

"Man this is so lame! There's nothing to do around here! Sakura doesn't have any ramen, her fridge is full of vegetarian crap, I can't find the remote for the TV, and the only things to read are medical textbooks. Gah!" Naruto plopped back down on the couch, taking in his teammate's natural scent of cherry blossoms. _Hmm maybe I'll go check out that underwear drawer Sakura was talking about. _A grotesque image of his bloodied self lying in a storm drain made Naruto reconsider that thought. _Nah, I'm too young to die. Oh well I guess I'll just stare at the ceiling for a bit. Sakura's place sure does smell nice. I wonder if she uses Febreze?_

Just as the blonde-haired boy was about to close his eyes for a quick slumber, he heard a sudden knock on the door.

"Sa-Sakura-san?", peeped a voice from the other side.

Naruto nearly choked mid-breath when he heard the petite voice. _Oh crap, there's no mistaking that voice! What do I do? Did Sakura say anything about answering the door?_

_Don't go near the window, don't pick up the phone, don't shout 'Dattebayo!'..._

"Sa-Sakura-san are you there?", squeaked the timid voice again.

_Crap! She didn't mention anything about answering doors!_ Naruto began to panic, wondering what the best course of action to take was. _It should be alright, right? I mean I didn't know any of those girls that were chasing me. The one girl that I did know didn't act crazy or anything. Maybe it only affects strangers? Yeah, dattebayo! No worries here!_

Gathering all of his courage, Naruto got up from the couch and walked slowly to the door. Taking a deep breath he relaxed his muscles and turned the knob slowly, revealing a pale figure on the other side.

"Why hello there Hinata-san!"


	4. Cat and Mouse

**~Chapter 4: Cat and Mouse~**

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay again everyone! With break being over, it'll be harder to find time to update and so I hope you bear with me in that regard. Anyways, enjoy!**

Tsunade sighed as she leaned back in her chair, silently cursing the large pile of documents that continued to mock her with their inked faces. Closing her eyes, she tried to mentally rewind the fascinating tale that Sakura had just weaved for her.

"So Sakura, what do _you _think could be the cause of all this?"

"I'm...I'm not sure Tsunade-sama." Sakura twiddled her thumbs mindlessly, disappointed that they had not reached a reasonable explanation for Naruto's problem. Letting her mind wander, she calculated the odds of her apartment being in complete shambles at about 51.3%. _Wait I think I ran out of instant ramen yesterday. _Make that 61.3%. Still, Sakura hoped that Naruto was okay. Trouble always seemed to find its way to the blonde-haired baka.

"Well I'm pretty sure I've never heard of a case like this. But perhaps a look at some dusty medical texts will reveal something," mused Tsunade, noticing her student's dull expression. "I'll just have Shizune take care of these documents for me after she gets back from buying me more sake! Let's go!" Before the kunoichi had looked up, her mentor had already flung the door open, her footsteps beginning to grow fainter and fainter.

Another moment or two passed before Sakura scrambled from her seat, shouting, "Wait for me Tsunade-sama!"

* * *

"N-Naruto?" Hinata Hyuga's eyes widened at the sight of her longtime crush.

Naruto grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of his head as he gave the blue-haired kunoichi a lookover. _Hmm...she doesn't look any different. Her face is turning red again which is normal._

"Say Hinata, do you feel any different?" asked Naruto whose gaze was still probing Hinata's figure.

"D-different? W-what d-do you...you...um...," her soft murmurs turned into incomprehensible mumblings as she looked down, acutely aware that Naruto was still staring. She instinctively began playing with her fingers, hoping that she wouldn't outright faint in the hallway.

"Ah never mind. Would you like to come in? Sakura's not here at the moment because she's actually helping me out with a problem that I have. She told me to stay put so eh what can you do right?" The blonde stepped aside, gesturing for Hinata to enter the apartment.

Keeping her gaze downcast, she silently shuffled into the room, squeaking slightly when she heard the door slam shut. Not knowing what to do, she simply stood there, taking in the sight of Sakura's new pink carpet. Naruto watched her curiously for a moment before taking her hand (prompting a louder squeak from the Hyuga), guiding her to the couch, and offering her a vegetarian snack.

"Ok let me see what Sakura's got. Be back in a sec!" And with that Naruto was off to the kitchen to look for a suitable snack, double checking for any ramen he might have missed as well. He rushed off so quick in fact, that he failed to notice Hinata stiffen. Noticing this first warning sign might have given the young shinobi a chance to escape, but alas fate would not have it that way. Hinata's hands dropped to her sides and her eyes sparked dangerously behind her long bangs. Naruto returned shortly, carrying a plate that held a curious looking foodstuff on it. Blissfully unaware of the mortal danger he was in, he offered the plate to Hinata.

"Eh sorry Hinata, this is pretty much the only thing that Sakura has in her fridge. I hope it's okay."

"Oh it's more than okay Naruto-kun," replied Hinata, flipping her hair back uncharacteristically. "Anything from _you _is more than okay."

Naurto's brows furrowed at his friend's unusually confident tone of voice. "Uh don't thank me. It's Sakura's after all. To be honest though I think that stuff tastes awful. I prefer a nice hot bowl of...uh what are you doing?"

"Nice hot bowl of what _Naruto-kun?_" slurred Hinata, innocently licking the vegetarian mystery food.

"Uh ramen. A nice hot bowl of ramen."

"Ramen huh? Oh I absolutely _love _slurping up noodles. Especially big, wet, warm ones. Oh my! Is it me or is it getting hot in here?"

Naruto swallowed nervously as he watched Hinata mock fan herself. "Yeah I guess it is a little warm. I'll go find the A.C controls!"

Before Naruto could scurry away however, Hinata's hand shot out like a bolt of lightning, forcing the blonde back to his seat.

"Oh don't trouble yourself Naruto-kun, I'll just take off my jacket." Standing up, Hinata slowly unzipped her oversized garment, allowing it to fall freely to the floor; revealing her curvaceous figure. She turned to face the dumbstruck boy, stretching her arms out so that he could catch a better view of her womanly assets.

"Ah that's much better. Now how about we get you out of that awfully stuffy jumpsuit," said Hinata, giving Naruto a sly wink.

Flabbergasted at Hinata's advances, Naruto tried to back up in his seat, dismayed to find the back of the couch impeding his path. "Uh, that's okay Hinata-san, it's not really that warm...wait what are you doing?!"

Hinata's smooth and slender fingers traced their way up and down Naurto's arms, sending a frightening chill down his spine. "Nonsense. We're getting these off right now mister." As she moved her hands down to pull off the orange jumpsuit, Naruto quickly scrambled over the couch, tipping it over in the process.

The jinchuriki quickly picked himself up, noticing the frown plastered on Hinata's face. "What are you doing Naruto-kun?"

"Uh...um...er...LOOK! What's that on the window?"

The Hyuga swiveled her head in the direction of Naruto's finger, seeing nothing but the clear blue sky. "I don't see any...Naruto-kun?" She frowned. Naruto had disappeared, but Hinata discerned that he hadn't gotten far.

"Oh this will be a fun game won't it Naruto-kun? I know you're still here somewhere, I can sense your fear," she said raising her voice. "I won't use my Byakugan because that would make things far too easy. I must warn you though. Once I find you, it won't be just that jumpsuit that's coming off."

Naruto rocked silently back and forth in Sakura's large wardrobe dresser. Various pieces of pleasant smelling clothing were draped randomly over his body as he tried to gain control of his chakra flow. _Crap! I'm lucky she's not using her Byakugan...or is she just saying that? Double crap! Maybe I'd better poof outta here, but then I'd draw even more attention outside! Triple crap? Is that even possible? Wait what was that?_

Naruto's ears perked up as he listened intently to the coming threat. Footsteps. Light, pattered footsteps. And they were coming closer! Naruto clutched his chest, hoping to muffle the increasingly loud thumping coming from it. Suddenly a soft voice rang out, almost making his heart stop.

"Oh Narutoooo come out and plaaaaayyyy." He heard a slight giggle. "My my, this bed looks comfy. But it only has room for one it seems. Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter since you'll be on top. Or I can be on top if you like it like that _Naruto-kun_."

The sultry purr in her voice as well as the completely inappropriate words she had just uttered nearly caused the blonde to faint. _All bets are off now. I've gotta get out here. Let's see, I could go hide at Ichiraku's. The old man will definitely give me a free bowl if I tell him all the crap I've been through today. Hopefully his daughter isn't there though. If she acts like all these other girls have today in front of her pops, I'll never get another bowl of ramen from there ever again! Then again I could always ask someone to buy me some...uh-oh what's that?_

The footsteps were definitely getting louder. "Where could you be Naruto-kun?" Naruto gulped silently, praying to no particular god. "I wonder if you could be in this dresser?" _Son of a..._

"I know you're in there Naruto-kun. Like I said before, I can sense your fear." Another giggle. "Oh we're going to have _so _much fun, Naruto-kun."

Naruto tried to bury himself under the clothes, but his efforts were futile. Apparently today was the day Sakura had decided to do laundry and thus, Naruto barely had enough to cover his upper body. A sudden creak from the wooden handle of the dresser caused Naruto to freeze. Unless he acted quickly, Naruto faced certain, sexy doom.

_Kami, what do I do now?_


	5. Prisoner of Love?

**~Chapter 5: Prisoner of...Love?~**

**A/N: Well here it is folks another update! How will Naruto fare against Hinata's advances? Read to find out!**

"Tsunade-sama have you found anything yet?" Sakura yawned as she flipped through yet another dusty page. Instruments measuring time were apparently extinct in Tsunade's underground library and so the pink-haired kunoichi had no idea how long they had been down in the rather putrid smelling room, though she was almost certain she had missed lunch judging by the ferocious growls emanating from her stomach.

"Haven't I always told you to be patient Sakura? To answer your question, no I haven't," replied an equally bored Tsunade, whose throat was feeling very parched at the moment. "I need some sake to get me through all this reading!"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "You teaching patience would be like Jiraiya writing books on sexual abstinence. Anyways, don't you think we should take a break? I need to go and check on Naruto and make sure he hasn't completely ruined my apartment."

Sighing, the Hokage closed the text she was reading, reluctantly agreeing. "Alright we'll take a short lunch break I suppose."

**CHA! That's right you old hag. All work and no play makes Sakura a dull girl! **Sakura blinked at the sudden intrusion of her inner self. "Uh thank you Tsunade-sama! I'll be back as soon as I can!" As she got up and prepared to leave, a stern voice rang out across the room.

"This is a very serious matter Sakura. Make sure you don't waste any time." Sakura looked over her shoulder and nodded sullenly before making her way out the door and up the stairs into the light.

* * *

Naruto stared at the ceiling, wondering what gods he had ticked off in his lifetime. _I bet it's the time I stole Pervy Sage's book to read even though it clearly had an 'adults only' tag on it. _He sighed, looking over at the firmly knotted ropes that were tied from the bedpost to his wrists as well as his ankles and remembering the shuddering words that Hinata had said after she had completed her handiwork.

_"No use in trying to resist Naruto-kun. These are special chakra ropes that will only get tighter the more you struggle. Now don't you go anywhere, I've got a special surprise for you!_

Though she had suggested otherwise, Hinata had only taken off his jumpsuit, revealing a loose-fitting t-shirt with Gai-sensei's face plastered smack dab in the middle of it. Hinata nearly fainted at the sight. Nearly. She didn't of course and thus Naruto was forced to explain that Lee had given it to him as a Christmas gift. _Man the only reason I wore it today was because all my other clothes were smellier than usual. I mean I think Gai-sensei is pretty cool and all, but only Lee could pull off this look without being called a weirdo...oh great she's back._

"Miss me Naruto-kun?"

"Not particularly." Hinata walked over to the bed, towering over Naruto. "That's no way to talk to your _lover _Naruto-kun. But don't worry I won't punish you...that much."

Naruto groaned. "Hinata, please let me go. I don't know what's going on, but you're not in the right frame of mind!"

The Hyuga heiress giggled. "Oh Naruto-kun you're so silly! I only want to ravage your body is all. _Over_ and _over_ and _over _again. But still, it's perfectly logical."

"No it's not! What happened to the shy, gentle Hinata that I know?" Naruto pleaded with his friend, hoping to snap her out of whatever crazed affliction she was ill with. Suddenly, he felt a surprisingly warm and smooth touch grace his cheek.

"I can be shy and gentle if you want..._Naruto-kun_," cooed Hinata who was clearly violating Naruto's personal space. "Enough of this waiting. I think it's time we _consummate_ our relationship. Tell me Naruto-kun, is your body ready?"

Naruto's jaw literally dropped to the floor. "C-c-consummate?!"

Hinata did not respond as she took off her tank top to reveal a see-through fishnet shirt.

"W-wait! Hinata I know you're in there somewhere! Please break free and take control of this horny, perverted side of you!"

Slipping off her leggings, Hinata was now as scantily clad as a kunoichi could be without being outright naked. Her fishnet shirt and skimpy underwear left very little to the imagination as Naruto was experiencing firsthand.

"It's not polite to ignore a question Naruto-kun," whispered Hinata, leaning into Naruto's ear. _Holy crap! Am I seriously about to be deflowered by Hinata? What kind of bizarro universe have I been transported to!_

Annoyed that he hadn't responded, Hinata began to gently nibble on Naruto's ears, sending shivers down the blonde's spine.

"Hinata please stop!" Though it seemed his pleas were for naught, the nibbling stopped, but only long enough for Hinata to echo her previous question.

"Is your body ready, Naruto-kun?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

Hinata pulled her head away from Naruto's, allowing the boy a small sigh of relief.

"Thank you Hinata, I hope you realized what you were doing just now. I mean did Neji or your dad even give you the birds and the bees talk? If you want I can ask Kakashi-sensei to give you it. I mean he's an expert on that kind of stuff and...WHAT THE HELL?!"

Naruto felt an odd, sudden weight on his hip. _Oh my god, she's on top of me! _Naruto's heart went into overdrive as the blue-haired ninja's face stopped just inches from his.

A look of pure bliss radiated from her face as she eyed the cute, hyperventilating blonde. "Relax, Naruto-kun and enjoy it..." She closed her eyes and leaned in, ready for their lips to intermingle.

What little blood was left in his face was completely drained as Naruto noticed Hinata leaning in closer and closer, her lips slightly parted.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

* * *

Sakura placed the small grocery bag filled with instant ramen down on the ground as she fished around her pocket for her apartment key. Figuring that the spiky-haired baka wouldn't like her vegetarian food stock, she dropped by the store to pick up some of the fat-filled noodles that Naruto loved so much. Her stroll there was easy enough, but her adventure back home was filled with numerous distractions and diversions. First, she was greeted by a returning Kakashi, who for some reason was carrying two Icha Icha books instead of one. After exchanging pleasantries, her sensei inexplicably offered her one of the copies, causing Sakura to punch him all the way to Suna.

Not long after, Sakura had to duck in an alley, hearing the familiar fangirl mob in the distance.

_"Naruto-kun where are you, give me a kiss!"_

_"Naruto-kun I want to have your baby!"_

_"Naruto-kun I'll let you slurp ramen from my-"_

She had shivered (or violently spasmed) at the last comment. Just as Sakura rounded the corner to her apartment complex, she ran into her best friend Ino. The platinum blonde blabbled on about the latest gossip of the ninja world, causing Sakura to sigh heavily.

_"So Sakura you'll never guess what I heard!"_

_"What's that?"_

_"Well you didn't hear it from me, but I heard that Temari and Shikamaru are dating!"_

_"..."_

_"It's true forehead! I was like O M G! I mean at first I thought it was weird but now I think they're so cute! I still think that Shikamaru needs to learn some better manners and I was going to have Choji teach him but then I realized he's kind of a fat slob you know. And don't even get me started with-"_

_"..."_

Ino continued to ramble on for what seemed like an eternity before Sakura simply walked past her and into her building. She wondered if her talkative friend was still out there chattering with the wind as she pulled out her key. Just as she inserted the key, she heard a loud scream.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

_Naruto? _Sakura panicked, wondering what was going on inside her apartment. Scrambling with the key, she finally unlocked the door, rushing inside. Adrenaline flowed through her as she noticed the couch that was tipped over and Naruto's trademark jumpsuit sprawled on the floor.

_Oh my god was he kidnapped? But why would they leave his shirt here? _A strange noise coming from her bedroom broke the pinkette from her thoughts. Without thinking she broke down the door, ready to confront any intruders to her home. The sight that greeted her was...unusual to say the least.

Naruto was tied to her bed with his t-shirt ripped in several places and a person she recognized as their friend Hinata was on top of him, wearing practically nothing. She stared, not knowing what to do.

Hinata looked up at the newcomer, a small frown forming on her face. Naruto meanwhile breathed a sigh of relief as he grinned sheepishly at his teammate.

"Uh hey Sakura-chan. Mind helping me out of this?"

**A/N: Seems like we've got quite a messy situation on our hands don't we? I wonder how Hinata will react to her "playtime" being so rudely interrupted. :o**


	6. FILLER CHAPTER I: Video Games

**~FILLER CHAPTER I: Video Games~**

**A/N: Hey everyone! So this is a new concept I'm trying out called filler chapters. I've been extremely busy lately and haven't been able to find time to work on the next chapter. I don't anticipate this changing anytime soon so to keep you guys entertained I'll put up these short filler stories. Their content can vary (some can even be interactive!) and they are no way tied to the main story. Let me repeat that. THEY ARE IN NO WAY TIED TO THE MAIN STORY. Well anyways, I hope you guys enjoy!**

"What are you doing Naruto?"

Sakura walked into the small break room that was located on the second floor of the building where they filmed Timberwolf V1's fanfiction story: _Naruto's Problem_. She looked quizzically at the aforementioned title character who was currently glued to the floor, staring at a small TV screen with a strange contraption nestled in his hands.

"Hello? I asked you a question baka."

Naruto didn't answer, his gaze still transfixed on the screen; his fingers twitching rapidly. Sakura walked over to where the blonde was sitting and leaned in over his shoulder, wanting to see what he was so focused on. She saw what appeared to be a small pixelated man jumping over similarly-sized pixelated brown monsters. From what she could tell there were also green pipes with strange looking flowers in them that popped up every once in a while.

_Oh he's playing a video game. What a stupid baka, Doesn't he know that video games rot your brain? Well he doesn't have a brain so no harm there. But still! He's setting a bad example for our viewers! _Sakura looked at Naruto, wondering if he even knew she was there. She decided to find out.

Leaning in to his ear she huskily whispered, "Hey Naruto...it's really hot in here...do you mind if I take off my clothes right now?"

Nothing.

She tried again. "Hey Naruto! Let's go get some ramen!"

Still nothing. The pinkette stood up in a huff with a pout forming on her face. _Hmph! I guess I have no choice. _A few seconds later, an audible "Ow" was heard as Naruto rubbed his cheek.

"What was that for?" groaned Naruto.

"For being a baka!" glared Sakura, who had picked up Naruto's controller.

"W-wait what are you doing with that Sakura?"

Sakura's glare remained though an evil smirk had crept over her face. "Your punishment is that you don't get to play anymore. Instead I'll be playing."

A look of despair swept over Naruto. "But Sakura you don't even know how to play! And I'm on the last world! And there's no save option!"

"Read my lips Naruto. I. Don't. Care. Now let's see here. Ooh what does this button do?"

Naurto's eyes bulged out as he watched Sakura maneuver his character closer and closer to the edge of the platform. Time seemed to slow down as he leapt at his teammate, knocking her town and regaining control of his controller. His moment of triumph was brief, however, as a tug of war ensued between the two.

"GIVE ME THE CONTROLLER YOU BAKA!"

"NEVER!"

A short while later in their struggle, the controller slipped from both of their grasps. They both watched in horror as another slow-mo sequence initiated-the controller flying through the air and ultimately smashing right into the TV.

Silence settled over the room. All of a sudden the door opened to reveal a towering figure.

"What's with all the commotion you guys? I'm trying to take my afternoon nap and..." Timberwolf's eyes widened as he noticed the shards of glass on the floor along with the controller-embedded TV. He stood there, stunned.

Sakura and Naruto gave each other a quick glance before zipping out the door, their voices in unison saying, "Gotta run, bye!"

Civilians walking down the street on the other side of town heard the following roar.

"NARUTO! SAKURA!"


End file.
